Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Tell Your Story or It Never Existed.

When we make it through times of tribulation some major some minor but always soul altering; One last piece of growth is to share what we learned or didn't learn. When surviving suffering, if you tell no one it is as if you never conquered. 

This entered my thoughts tonight as I pounded out my sprint workout on the trusty treadmill. As I recalled some of my past heartbreaks, mistakes, and just plan disasters I also remembered what I learned, how it molded me, and how it shapes my relationship with Jesus.

Everyone in life is dealt hardships, mine I have come to realize is that the devil attacks my family because that is the whole element I have tried to piece together since I was a child. Knowing that he will try his hardest makes me determined to see him fail and God come out victorious.

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.”
Psalm 94:18 NIV

How humbling is it to know that when we are slipping His love is right there to make sure we are supported. It doesn't say that we won't eve fall, it says He will support me. Take the opportunity to grow from hardships, share your story, and if possible don't repeat sin. Grow on Grace,

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

So I Look Up

Faith at my core and not ever feeling lonely again. 

Truly the wholeness and completeness we seek in these bodies is there for the taking, we just look in the wrong direction. So... I looked UP. 

No mortal can give us the daily support, undivided attention, pats on the back or fill out heart so much at times it feels as though it will burst. No mortal is errorless, because we are all looking for the same things.

So I Looked UP. I saw his smiling face, his hands reached out and cupped my heart and he took a piece of his and he filled mine. So I Look UP. 
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28 KJV)

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Santa Claus and Love

Santa Claus and Love what is the difference? Both were made up to raise the economy in poor economic times. 

Big fluffy beard vs. A baby with a bow. Both iconic images used to tug at heart strings. Both charming when it benefits them. Both fake.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Faith and hope in the things unseen.

About one year ago I got a call from my sister-in-law terror filled her voice as she screamed into the phone, 'you're brother had an accident! I don't know what is going on - get to Sioux Falls!' My brother had evaded another potential crash but in the process flipped his motorcycle and was found lying face down in a pile of mud in a ditch. Air flighted to Sanford in Sioux Falls I sat with my son and Lavonne awaiting the helicopter and we prayed. Though scared and when I heard the thumping of the chopper as it landed tears flowed and my heart broke in half. God was ever present and he just filled me with a calm that Paul would be okay and he just had a life lesson to be learned. Days passed as Paul lay unconscious, fighting to live and his body taking the time of rest to focus on what needed to be done. As we waited we cried, we laughed, we prayed and Paul opened his eyes on a Sunday morning and spoke his first words to one of his best friends in life, Scotty. 

Fast forward one year and there I sat last night watching Paul make his first laps at the annual enduro race in Worthington MN. This is a race that he has participated in for over 10 years now; finished 1st the year after his wife passed, proposed to his new love and only missing last year. Something comes over you as you sit in the stands and watch someone you love so much enjoy a sport that fills their heart, but last night it was something so much larger. I imagined how Paul felt putting his helmet on and strapping into his car - THE CAR - that has been there the whole ten years. I channeled the memories that filled his heart as he reved up the engine for the first time and what a feeling that came over him when he drove towards the track to line up. A year ago he was attempting his first steps down a hall as we all watched with tears streaming down our cheeks and now here he was putting that last piece of Paul back together. 'Click' 

The night wasn't without issues, a gas leak took him off the track twice, fixed and back on. Then a tie rod broke - thinking he was done... His brother from another mother who's radiator went out had the part he needed. They slapped it in place and back on the track he came. I won't forget that feeling when I looked to the left and here came the number 6 car! Paul was back and as he drove by lap after lap tears once again filled my eyes this time with joy, thankfulness and faith. Paul finished Third last night in the race but finished first on his goal sheet. 

I guess my point in this is that we don't always see what God has in his plan for us but keeping our faith and hope in him can often make the impossible possible and sometimes he slaps us down so that we relearn humble love and respect for him.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1 KJV)

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Finding Truthful Trust Again

It becomes easy to spout how have worked on your healing after suffering from an injury. Whether that injury is a stubbed toe, major athletic injury, heartbreak or a business partnership that dissolved through dishonesty when it passes we start the healing process. Too many times we rush this process, we often look to God for answers as to why which is good. It is better to look towards him to help us forgive; forgive the hurt, forgive ourselves for putting yourself in the situation, through true forgiveness trust can reform.

After a knee injury when I was younger it took me a while to trust that knee again, that it wouldn't do that again, that it was strong enough to hold me and to completely trust that it wouldn't fail me again when I most needed it. When I think on it now ultimately, I found forgiveness in my knee and in that developed the trust in it all over again. Still to this day I thank the Lord at nights/mornings in my prayers for the renewed strength, the protection from injury and trust in him that he is always working his plan through me.

In matters of the heart when it is from a spouse, significant other or a parent when trust is injured it is mucho difficult to move forward or trust another again openly and honestly if this forgiveness - true forgiveness is not found. It states in the bible to error is human to forgive is divine. I remember reading this and how it opened my heart and my mind to what this truly means. We look to other humans to complete us, but when you truly open your heart and love God first and open your heart to him he fills the void that we look to other flawed humans to fill. God is perfect, he has no imperfections and I am humbled by his true love for me everyday. It brings me to tears to feel how he loves me. Me - far from perfect, mistakes and wrong choices made daily, but still he loves me and stays at my side and just gently guides/corrects my path. Sometimes not so gently. My trust in him is unfailing and through this true relationship with him I open myself to the forgiveness piece in my heart and soul that enables me to openly love and trust man again.

I am far from healed but it is my hope in sharing this that maybe even one more person out there are be touched and find forgiveness, drop the bitterness and anger and walk lighter here on earth. Do  not put so much over bearing pressure on those we interact with and love here on earth. Remind yourself daily that there is only one perfect love and that is the love of God. (For God so loved the earth he gave his ONLY son) He did that for us, can you imagine sacrificing your child for anyone?

Find forgiveness through Christ, remind yourself that humans are flawed but worthy of respect, love and trust, and mostly remember that life is going to hurt sometimes but you can find comfort in his word, his light, his love.

"There is no fear in love but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."  John 1:4

Friday, May 2, 2014

What We Take Away.

Broken hearts and lost dreams are all part of a serious break-up, especially when it was a long-term growing relationship. Years spent getting to know each other, reinventing parts of our selves at times to gel better together-sacrifices we make probably is more accurate. Just those little things we do to make life a smoother ride for the other person in our life. Support you give to help them become what they fear they can't and vice versa. The awaking that occurs when this ends and you are left with a hole in your life can be crippling or inspiring.

Too many of us are in too big of a hurry to shovel some dirt in that hole, fill it with anything we can find in order to forget it was ever there. The mistake in this is that we forget to reflect on what we gained. The what is lost comes easy and too many times becomes the main focus. The challenge and the beauty comes when you can look through the pain and say 'what did I earn? What did I learn? And how did I grow?'

With all of my past relationships in my life I have gained something from each individual I have shared my life with. With each path that has split I have really taken a cherished token from each man. Is this part of God's life plan? I like to believe so, his intent is not souly for my life to be this saga of pain and angst but to be the journey he has had written for me and the growth into the woman that stands infront of you today. 

I will give credit where credit is due and if any of you guys are reading this know that I am so appreciative of the all the moments we shared, the good the bad and the good again. Without our journies I am not sure where I would be today. 

From my high school relationships I discovered my passion for everything outdoors, Coolio, lifting weights to truly see where my body limits were and to know when to say goodbye. In college I gained a new respect and admiration for the Beastie Boys, roller blade hockey, to cherish every minute from every moment and never leave anything left unsaid. I learned the most unselfish love the day I met my son. So thankful to my baby's daddy for that unforeseen, direct delivery, life saving angel. A few years later I acquired an admiration and inside look at everything business, a whole level of respect I had forgotten I deserved (due to my own choices) and another true friendship, but I had lost my roots. Lost where my soul was happiest and then it was awoken. 

I was blessed to have shared the woods with a great hunter, jokster and videographer. I asked if I could join him in the woods and he said 'hell yes!'with open arms and for that I am so grateful. He reminded me through experiences where I had always belonged, where I had always been happiest inside and what a feeling it was the first time I laid an animal down! #hooked 

So you see with each love lost I have found a piece of me that I cherish. Without even knowing it, each person that we share our lives with adds a bigger piece to our story and character. 

I encourage you to look inside and see for yourselves; even our worst memories can bring forth our best pieces. 

Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; 
(Romans 12:12 KJV)

Monday, April 21, 2014

Light from 'Our' Created Darkness

It seems that in our lives there are times that have a 'darkness' to them, this isn't a physical darkness but it is a darkness that can be felt in our heart and that can change the brightness that is to be seen in others and our evironment. During these times of darkness is it easy to let it fill you and draw the curtains tightly closed and let the darkness live for awhile; but it takes the strong will and faith of character to walk through the darkness and keep watch for that sparkle of THE light. 

A while back I walked this darkness, prayed for guidance when I couldn't see the way through and was provided with a beam. One year ago, I was asked to be the first female guide for the Matt Light Foundation's Youth Turkey hunt. This isn't a free handout weekend and not everyone is accepted nor do they get a participation medal. The kids that enter have to write an essay (topic is chosen by Matt Light and his staff every year) and then the essay's are graded. This is no last minute throw a paper together and get accepted kind of competition. Kids that have made the grade in the past have been turned away because the paper didn't hit the mark- no pun intended. 

So for me to be asked to be one of the guides for these kids isn't a task that I took or take lightly. This is an A gamer, me in the woods with girls relying on me to teach them everything from the joys of #hothands, setting decoys, when to call and which call to try, and just be a mentor for them. 

I humbly accepted the invitation and that piece of belief was the beginning of my new rock foundation to grow my own lighthouse. It was my wink from God saying, kid not all is lost when what you thought was your path crashed you into a ditch. Follow MY light, what I fill you with and your path will illuminate your true way home. 

You see the darkness we create through 'our' mind and what we think are 'our' lost opportunities, isn't God working at all, it is us trying to be the builder of our destiny when we have a master builder waiting to take charge. Let him. Let go, Let God lead. He will build you a foundation and provide you energy to create a beacon for the world to see and nothing can terminate.

God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
(1 John 1:5 KJV)